


they/them, maybe?

by dal_segno



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Canon Compliant, Drabble, Figuring out Pronouns, Gender Identity, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, M/M, Self-Indulgent, Trying out new pronouns, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26909332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dal_segno/pseuds/dal_segno
Summary: "You gotta state what you want with a full stop. Not a question mark. Doesn't matter if you're just saying it to one person or the whole world."-In which Jonghyun's freaking out about using new pronouns.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun | JR/Aaron Kwak | Aron
Kudos: 10





	they/them, maybe?

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to one of my closest friends who decided to use they/them pronouns recently. You know who you are when you read this ❤️. I love you and I'm so proud of you!

When you look at Kim Jonghyun, you see confidence, leadership, softness... Many things. He’s prone to stumbling a lot, but even that won’t stop the glare of confidence and pride that radiate off of him.

Kim Jonghyun, the Nation’s and Nu’est’s leader, who’s gone through survival hell and the verge of disbanding. Kim Jonghyun, youngest K-Pop leader at 16. Kim Jonghyun, who has over eight years (plus three years of being a trainee) of being an idol under his belt. Who would think that he gets nervous anymore?

Well, all that doesn’t change the fact that he’s vibrating back and forth in front of Aron’s door at one in the morning. Jonghyun’s jagged fingernails dig into his palms. They’re sure to leave crescent indents but he doesn’t mind much. Rather, he doesn’t even notice. Mind racing to figure out how to say what he wants to say to Aron, Jonghyun barely notices what’s going on around him. Not even Aron opening his apartment door with a worried expression clear as day on his face.

“Jonghyun?” Aron asks as he ushers the younger into his home. Hushing Noah who jolted awake because of Jonghyun at the door proves to be a near impossible task. It’s only when Jonghyun snaps back to reality and throws a handful of treats Noah’s way that Noah shuts up at last. Kkotsoonie, on the other hand, stays quiet in her little bed, choosing to observe instead.

“Before you ask,” Jonghyun mumbles, heart slamming against his chest, “I’m fine. I just need to tell you something.”

Kkotsoonie and Aron look at him with similar emotions in their eyes; too similar for comfort. “Please don’t tell me you don’t want to screw with Jihoon by hiding in the vents again,” Aron jokes. One of his hands reaches for the tea boxes on the shelf and the other fumbles around to get Jonghyun’s favourite mug.

“For the last time, it wasn’t me who gave Jihoon a heart attack in the studio.” 

“Right. Am I supposed to believe it was Daddy Longlegs Minhyun who did it?”

“Shut up,” Jonghyun manages to say between snickers. Aron only smiles back, stirring the tea fifteen times. A moment of silence that was neither awkward or uncomfortable passed by. It’s broken not too long after when Jonghyun takes a long sip of the tea and talks.

"I don't think I like being called a 'he' that much," Jonghyun confesses with a tiny voice. A voice so tiny that it might have gotten lost in the tea's steam if Aron didn't listen well. The younger's fingers shake as they grip the mug. The brave, confident Kim Jonghyun is gone for now.

To be honest, Jonghyun had always found the words "he" and "him" too awkward for himself. Never being able to pinpoint why, he never told the rest of the group about it. He knew that they wouldn't make fun of him (they never do, at least seriously) but the leader wanted to find out why exactly he's never liked it that much.

It took twenty-five years, an embarrassing search history, and Minki figuring it out for him to understand.

Jonghyun's eyes scans Aron's face in the dim lighting of the older's living room. Nothing but a cheesy grin was on his face. If Jonghyun looked closer, he'd see Aron's eyes filling up with tears- of happiness. Knowing someone for over a decade lets you know exactly how they'd react to something. Not once did Jonghyun expect his Aron-hyung to say something hurtful or mocking. 

(Still, that didn't stop his heart from beating or his knuckles turning white with the way he's holding the mug.)

"That's alright," Aron says, eyes wide and curious. "Have you figured out which pronouns you wanna use instead?" 

Now, Jonghyun didn't think he'd get this far. Sure, he knew that Aron wouldn't be mean or rude, but that didn't mean that he thought he'd get that out of himself.

_No stopping now_ , Jonghyun thinks to himself.

"They/them, maybe?"

Aron clicks his tongue and Kkotsoonie moves too, as if the two were connected. "Jonghyun-ah," the older starts with a soft authoritative tone, "You gotta say it like the speeches we do."

"Huh?"

"You gotta state what you want with a full stop. Not a question mark. Doesn't matter if you're just saying it to one person or the whole world." Aron takes a moment to think about what to say. Noah continues to happily chew on his treats on the other side of the room, his noises welcome in Jonghyun's mind. Kkotsoonie is as silent as ever, mirroring the thinking face Aron has. Jonghyun squirms a bit on the couch, almost spilling the little tea left in the white mug.

Aron lets out a breath he's been holding in (and so does Jonghyun, though he doesn't realise). "What I'm saying is, be confident, Jju-ya. I won't let you sleep until you say what your pronouns are to Noah, Kkotsoonie, and I."

"Hyung," Jonghyun whines but a smile creeps up on his cool face, "Noah and Kkotsoonie won't care."

"It's practice, Jju-ya." Aron gets up from the couch to scoop up Kkotsoonie into his arms. A curious stare on her face, Kkotsoonie seems like she knows what's being talked about. Not that she actually does but with the way she's looking at Jonghyun so expectantly, she might as well be human.

"I won't force you to do anything, Jonghyun. But, you gotta try at least." Aron props up Kkotsoonie in his lap, raising her arms and moving them around as if she was the one talking. Jonghyun takes a deep breath in, moving the mug to the coffee table in front of him.

"Hyung," the leader mutters, "Do I really have to…?" 

The older says nothing. He only moves Kkotsoonie's paws in a circular motion for encouragement.

"...Fine." 

"That's the spirit. So, Jonghyun-ah. What pronouns do you want to use from now on?" 

Jonghyun's heart won't stop racing. "They/them pronouns. I'm most comfortable with these ones."

_Oh, it wasn't that hard._

"There's the Kim Jonghyun I know," Aron exclaims, though careful with his volume. "Are you going to tell the other three soon?" 

"Yeah. I think Minki already knows, even if I haven't told him." 

"You can't hide anything from Minki. Unless you had a stash full of disgusting magazines somewhere and he didn't find out, you can't hide from Choi Minki."

"Hyung, oh my god. You're disgusting!" 

"What? Think about it, though! I'm right!" 

Jonghyun's laughs mingle with Aron's in the dark, cozy apartment. They can't believe they've gotten this far. And it all feels so natural. No hidden glares, no intrusive questions. Just an understanding. They can't thank Aron more for that.

Aron only says one more thing before they both go to sleep. 

"Jonghyun is the bravest leader and friend I've known. They've done so much for all of us. I hope they know how proud I am of them."

Jonghyun's body vibrates with satisfaction, like everything's falling into place at last. Like this is how it's always meant to be. They wish they could've known and said this long before.

But it's okay. They have many years to experience this feeling until it sets in, as if it were the most normal thing in the world.

"Thank you, Aron-hyung."

"You're welcome, Jju. I love you."

Click. There goes the lights. Kkotsoonie's shiny eyes disappear in the dark. Noah has fallen asleep long ago.

"I love you too, hyung."

The brave and confident Kim Jonghyun hasn't left at all. They've only become stronger.


End file.
